everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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