new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
