He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
