we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
