Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
