You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
