Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
