i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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