It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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