I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
bring money and cleavage
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
