if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
