David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
