You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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