we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
