i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
