My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
