Sponge bath it is.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
