My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
