it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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