The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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