so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
