Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
