woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize