Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
