my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
How naked do you want me to be?
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