If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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