I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
