fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
