I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
