whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out