i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
A bitchslap is in order.