not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.