I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
In America we eat man semen.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.