just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed