It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
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the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
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Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.