i can't believe i had my finger in that
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
