PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
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I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
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So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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