Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My apartment stinks of burning failure
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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