It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.