what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
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Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
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Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.