Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
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Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
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So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.