I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.