I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him