I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
