So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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