I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize