Me. At least after what I've been through.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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