What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
handjob tips. give me some.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
