took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
