Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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