You can't special order awesome
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
