so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
