Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
