If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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