she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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