fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
