my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize