That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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