I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
