i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
