Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
