Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
