I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My butt remains clenched, sir.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
