I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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