Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
