I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
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