Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
