Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
