I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
