I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
